Dismal Angel Episode 20: Guilt Ridden
by AngelExposed
Summary: Rogue feels guilty when still keeping her secret from Remy, and begins to question the seriousness of their relationship despite her strong feelings.
1. Chapter 1: Disturbed

Chapter 1: Disturbed

             Rogue walked along the long grass of the small field surrounding the Research Centre, hugging herself against the chill of the morning air, a cold Scottish breeze stirring her hair.  It was time, time to tell him the truth, keep no more secrets from him.  She let herself be led along the grass until the further she came, the grass became less dense, and more earth showed through the green, and a familiar man – with his back turned – finally came into view.

             Remy LeBeau stood near the Cliffside, smoking his usual rolled up cigarette, donning his long black leather trenchcoat, the hem slightly stirring in the wind.  He seemed to sense her presence, and he looked over his shoulder at her, his dark intense eyes catching the light from the sun that had risen up at the East of Muir Island.  Despite the brightness of the sun, and the season being summer, the air was cold, the winds were harsh against the water surrounding the island, and the waves lapped violently at the rocks below, Rogue could see this as she approached.

             "Remy, I'm glad you're here, we need to talk…" Rogue said, her voice nervous, she drew her breath, and waited for his full attention.

             Remy tossed away the butt of his cigarette with a casual flick, and he turned to her, "what is it?" he asked softly, he shoved his hands in his pockets.

             Rogue took time to study him feature by feature, his wild unkempt hair blowing in the wind, his face slightly red from the cold, his lips curled into a smile a little when he seen her.  Not his usual know-it-all-too-cool-to-live smirk that was usually plastered on his face.  It was the gentle smile of a man who loved her.

             She swallowed nervously and asked herself how she'd manage to get through telling him.  "Remy, something happened while you were away," Rogue admitted finally, she looked away from him, still hugging herself.

             "I…had the feelin' you were keepin' some sort of secret from me," Remy sighed softly, "what is it?"

             "Jared…me and him have been gettin' really close…and he told me he loved me," Rogue admitted.

             Remy's face dropped a little, and suddenly became so difficult to read, neither angry nor sad, she couldn't interpret the expression at all.  "Oh…"

             Rogue sighed, "I wanted to tell you," she shrugged, "I really did," she said, "but…because of what's been going on with me and you lately, and what's been going on in your life, I thought it best to not," she explained, "but…I can't keep it in any longer, I had to tell you."

             Remy was silent.

             "Well…?" Rogue asked.

             "Well what?"

             "Don't you have anything to say?" Rogue asked worriedly.

             "Like what?"

             "I don't know," Rogue sighed, she looked away from him again nervously, "aren't you going to ask me how I feel about him?"

             "How do you feel about him?" Remy asked, his voice very monotone and his expression becoming empty.

             "I think…he can offer me a lot more than you can," Rogue sighed, "And…I don't think me and you are really working out anymore…" she explained.  

             Remy turned away from her, "Right…"

             "I'm sorry…Remy," Rogue chewed her lip looking away.

             "So am I," Remy mumbled, and stepped forward off of the cliff, disappearing from sight.

             Rogue felt a sudden jolt of terror as she saw him disappear, having stepped off of the cliff, heading downwards towards the rocks, it would be his death.  "REMY!"

             Rogue shot up from her bed, "REMY!" she screamed with a gasp, she put her hand to her mouth.  A flash of lightning flickering through the dark grey sky outside of her window caught her off guard and she screamed, terrified, not sure at first what was going on, groggy and confused.

             A very tired and off guard Remy LeBeau staggered in to the room, holding his bo-staff, he tripped on one of her shoes and fell in, his eyes bleary, it was obvious he'd just woken up, "what is it?!" he asked, he pulled himself up, spinning around the room, bo-staff in one hand, he took a defensive pose.

             Rogue put her hand to her eyes, gasping for breath, "god…it was a dream," she whispered.

             "Jesus, musta been some dream, I thought you were bein' attacked in here…" Remy was also gasping for breath, his hair was hanging to one side, he looked barely half awake, he sighed putting the bo-staff against the wall and he sat on her bed, "Are you alright?"

             "Yes…I think so…" Rogue rubbed her forehead, "god…I just got a fright is all…"

             "What happened in the dream?" Remy asked.

             Rogue rubbed her eyes a little.  How could she have told him that she'd had a nightmare he'd thrown himself off of the cliff because she'd told him she was going to leave him for Jared?  How would he understand?  And anyway, it wasn't true, she had no intentions of leaving him for Jared.  It was best left unsaid – at least for now.  "I just…I didn't know where you were, I thought you'd left me," Rogue lied.

             Remy gave a soft laugh, "that's not going to happen…"

             Rogue glanced back to the clock, it was only five am, but it was light outside, although a dark grey light, rain tapped heavily on the window, high winds swept by, and lightning flickered every now and then.  The room she was residing in at the Muir Island Research Centre was almost plunged into the greyish darkness, yet Remy's features were so distinctive, as were those red on black eyes of his, the red giving off slight light, appearing to glow in the darkness.

"I'm sorry I woke you up…" Rogue sighed, she fell back against her pillows, rubbing her head, her head was throbbing profusely.  

             "It's fine," Remy yawned a little, "you don't look so good."

             "I'm just tired," she sighed, she turned on her side, looking up at him, he was sitting quite near.

             "Then go back to sleep.  Sleep 'til late, it's a Saturday," he reminded.  
             "I couldn't…not now…" she looked away.

             Remy saw the guilt on her face, but more than anything, something had disturbed her, something in her dreams had really frightened her.  He took a hold of the covers and moved them up over her a little more, "you need sleep, you've hardly slept this week at all," he rubbed her arm, his hand over the blankets.  

             "I'll be fine," Rogue sighed.

             "If you're sure," Remy stood up to head back to the bedroom he was staying in.

             "Remy…" Rogue swallowed nervously, "stay with me…just for a while…?"

             Remy smiled a little, "Alright…" he sat back down on the bed, wringing his hands absently.

             Rogue moved over on the bed, "lie with me, just for a bit," she murmured, "I'm well covered, you don't have to worry about accidentally bein' knocked for a loop with my powers," she promised.

             Remy slipped under the covers slowly, and kept his distance as much as he could from her, he looked at her, "so…do you have nightmares a lot?" he asked casually.

             She moved closer, "No," she answered softly, she slipped her arms around him, and pulled him closer into her, snuggling against him, her warm cheek against the thin cotton of the T-shirt he wore to bed.

             Remy looked over to the window, watching lightning flicker outside, it looked like it was going to be a very dismal day indeed, and he hated days like that, especially when – like now – it reflected his mood all too much.

             Rogue leaned up a little, "you're so quiet," she murmured.

             "Sorry, didn't know you wanted to have a conversation," he responded, he wrapped one arm around her and rubbed her back lightly, the flannel of her pyjamas soft under his fingers.

             A loud crack of thunder made them both jump and they sat up a little, glancing towards the window, Rogue held onto him a little apprehensively.

             "Don't worry, just thunder," Remy mused a little, he patted her back comfortingly.

             Rogue chewed her lip, "sorry, I guess I'm just a bit edgy – might be the nightmare."

             "If it wasn't the nightmare what else could it be?" he raised an eyebrow.

             "Nothing," Rogue looked at him, lightning flickered, lighting his face up, the face she'd grown to love so much, she moved closer, their lips nearly touching.

             "You know what will happen if you do that," he murmured.

             "Do you care?" Rogue asked softly.

             "A little," Remy admitted, "If I'm gonna be lyin' in a bed with you, I'd like to be conscious for it, despite we're not up to anything."

             "And who's fault is that I wonder," Rogue sat up straight, sitting folded legged near him.

             He put one arm behind his head, looking up at her, "why do you keep bringing up the sex thing?"

             "You were the one who brought up this time, Remy," Rogue pointed out, she looked away, pretending to be distracted by looking at the grey sky.  She was tempted to pull the blinds down just so the lightning wouldn't be so much of a distraction anymore.

             "I know I did, but I wasn't hinting.  But you…you're hinting a lot lately," he said, "and like I said, four days ago, you need to give me time for this…and anyway, you know we're limited even in that area.  Yes there are things we can do but…it's not going to be as good as the real thing, don't you think we should wait until you have some real control of your powers, and then maybe we can have it as good as it gets rather than just a taster that only entices us for more?"

             Rogue sighed.

             "Why is it still bothering you?" Remy sat up, he looked at her worriedly, "why are you pressing for this?  I don't even think you truly understand how sex is between a couple, you're only sixteen, how could you possibly want it so bad?"

             "It's not that I want it so bad, Remy," Rogue looked away, "It's not like I feel it like I want you so bad I can't stand it – although sometimes it feels that way, this isn't what it's about…"

"Then what is it about?"

"Its just…I don't know.  Me and you are really limited in our relationship," she sighed, "besides hugging and holding hands, what else do we have to offer each other?"

             "Companionship…love…many things that don't limit themselves to the sense of touch…" Remy shrugged.

             Rogue sighed again, her eyes shifting to the plain blankets, she traced the wrinkles in the sheets distractedly, "It doesn't feel like a romance so much as it does…just an ordinary friendship…"

             Remy suddenly caught on, "Ah…you feel as if…it's not very serious then?"

             Rogue shrugged, looking away again, embarrassed to admit it, "I guess.  I mean the things we do together seem so much just like a little kindergarten romance," she chewed the inside of her cheek.

             "Chere, I just don't think you're ready," Remy admitted.

             "For fucks sake, Remy, I'll be seventeen in two days…" Rogue reminded.

             "I know that, its not an age thing, really," Remy held up his hands in defence, "It's just, look, I didn't want to bring this up, but it's the rape, okay, it bothers me.  I'm scared that if I even try to touch you intimately…it's going to bring back those demons."

             "Why do you have to bring that up now?!" Rogue stood up and walked over to the window, she hugged herself insecurely, glancing outside to the dismal scenery.  

             "Have you even been medically examined yet?" Remy asked, finally.

             "Do we have to talk about this again?!" Rogue demanded loudly, "I don't want to think about that, okay?"

             "Jesus, Rogue, have you even thought about AIDs or anything?" He asked seriously, he got up, "we don't know who that guy had been with," He moved over to her, putting both hands on her covered arms.

             "Look, Remy, I'm safe against AIDs, okay," Rogue pulled away, "AIDs virus can't infect a mutant – something to do with the X Gene or something, I don't know.  Hank and Moira discovered that some time ago."

             "What about pregnancy?"

             Rogue looked away, "What about it?"

             "Have you—?" He asked delicately, "I mean," He swallowed, he tried to be very mature about the situation, "had your period yet?"

             "Not lately."

             "Jesus, Rogue, it's been over a month, and you haven't had…I mean didn't you think about pregnancy as a possibility?"  
             "Remy, I don't wanna discuss this right now, least of all with you," she sighed.

             "But we need to discuss this, this isn't just some little slap you got, the guy RAPED you!" Remy raised his voice.

             "Remy, will you just fucking leave it?!  It's my fucking life, not yours, deal with it."

             Remy frowned, "fine," he muttered, and with that, he stormed out of the room, slamming the door behind himself.


	2. Chapter 2: The Test

Chapter 2: The Test

             Rogue spent the rest of the morning tossing and turning in her bed, trying to sleep decently, she came in and out of sleep but never gained enough sleep to recharge her tired body.  Finally, at eleven am, she got out of bed, and got dressed, and headed to the bathroom, accidentally leaving the door open, she took her hairbrush out of her toiletries bag, and began to brush her tangled hair.

             "Chere?"

             Rogue glanced to the mirror, Remy had stepped into the bathroom behind her, he looked tired, as if he hadn't been able to sleep again since earlier that morning.  He hadn't even shaven yet, and his hair still looked as unkempt as it had when he had woken up.  But he was dressed, and his jeans were slightly rain splattered, and it seemed evident, by the bag he was holding in his right hand, that he'd been out.

             "You still mad at me?" Remy asked, he leaned against the threshold.

             "I wasn't mad, you were," Rogue said, "You stormed out of my room slamming the door," she reminded.

             "Sorry.  I'm really not a morning person," he admitted, he stepped into the bathroom and closed the door behind himself, "but I think I was right for what I said to you, and I'm not gonna say I'm sorry for bringing it up," he said.

             Rogue gave a shrug, cold shouldered, and continued to brush her hair.

             "I got this," he said, he locked the door first, then handed her the bag.

             Rogue sighed and reached into the bag, pulling out a small box, "pregnancy test?!  Remy, are you fucking crazy?!" she demanded.

             "Keep your voice down," Remy put his hands up in defence.  "And I probably am crazy, god knows, taken a few knocks to the head in my life, but it was rational thinking that made me get the Ferry to Edinburgh at eight am just to go get a pregnancy test – they don't even carry them here, how stupid is that?" He rolled his eyes.

             Rogue looked away and tossed the box at him, "I'm not taking it."

             "Chere, please!" he stepped up to her, "We're not talking about some stupid Cosmo quiz from a magazine, we're talking about the difference between a baby being involved here or not," he reminded.

             Rogue looked at him, "Remy, I think I'd know if I was pregnant," she rolled her eyes.

"How?"

"Morning sickness, sore boobs, I mean if I was like five weeks pregnant or something, I'd expect to have some symptoms," Rogue reminded.

"Not necessarily," Remy put the toilet lid down and sat upon it, he looked up at her, "Bella Donna didn't know she was pregnant until three months down the line," he admitted.

"Whatever…" Rogue sighed, she looked at herself in the mirror.  She didn't want to think about it, the thought of her being pregnant terrified her, and she'd never given it much thought even after the rape.  It had never seemed possible really.  "I'm still not doing the test," she muttered.

"Chere…you love me, right?" He asked, deciding to use one of the oldest lines in the book to get exactly what he wanted.

Rogue sighed again, and looked down into the sink, "Yes," she admitted finally.

"Then do it for me," Remy stated.

Rogue turned to him, "that was an unfair card to play, the 'if you love me you'll do it' card," she muttered, snatching the pregnancy test box from him, "why couldn't you have just said 'if you love me, you'll jerk me off' or something to that effect, she opened the packet."

Remy looked at her, "this isn't funny, Chere, this is serious, will you at least leave the jokes until after we get the results of that test."

"We?  Suddenly its WE get the results?  Remy, it's my body and the results will be mine to get," she responded, "I don't care if you did pay for it."

"If I didn't know you hadn't had your period yet, I'd swear you were PMSing," Remy admitted quite seriously, "I'll wait outside," he stated.

Remy stood outside anxiously waiting for her to take the test, three minutes seemed like forever when Rogue finally opened the door and let him back in.

"How long does the test take to give the result?" Remy asked, he picked up the box and began looking for a rough estimate.

"Five minutes," Rogue responded, "do you know how degrading it is to have to pee on a stick?"

"I've peed against a tree, it's the same thing isn't it?" He shrugged, he looked at her, "are you scared?" He asked, he noticed her hands were trembling.

"What do you think?" she asked, "I was fine until you started all your pregnancy shit," she muttered, "god I'll kill myself if I am."

Remy looked at her, an upset expression on his face, "don't say shit like that! It's not funny," his voice was angry.

"I wasn't joking," Rogue frowned.

Remy sighed, he sat down on the toilet lid again, "this is going to be the longest five minutes of my life," he admitted.

"Mines too.  I'm the one who should be worrying here, not you," she reminded, she folded her arms.

"I'm your boyfriend, whatever happens to you affects me too, Cherie," Remy reminded softly, he looked down to the floor.

Rogue was silent for a moment, then finally spoke, "Can I ask a question?"

"Oui," Remy responded, looking up at her.

             "Why did you look so pale when you saw that ring on the chain that the security guy had found in the lab?" Rogue asked, she sat on the counter next to the sink, pulling her knees up to her chest.

             "I don't know, really," he shrugged, he made himself force the lie out, despite he'd promised he'd never lie to her again.  He wasn't sure really what the ring meant.  He had the distinct feeling he'd seen the ring before, but couldn't remember from where.  This ring was so distinct, it couldn't be possible there might be another one like it, it seemed as if it had been specially made.

             "You're lying," Rogue commented, "I saw the look on your face, Remy.  You knew that ring, you'd seen it before, hadn't you?"

             Remy raised his eyes up to look at her, "I'm not sure, I think I might have, but it's so…blurry in my mind as to who might have owned it.  It's been bugging me for four days…"

             "Did Sean and Moira think you did the break in?"

             "I explained to them what I'd done – they called Xavier and he even vouched for me," Remy shrugged, "but as to what they think I don't know.  They say they believe me, but there's that old saying 'never trust a Thief', and I guess they live by it," he shrugged.

             "If they didn't trust you I doubt you'd still be here."

             "I insisted on staying until I figure out who's doing this – and capture the cunt," he muttered, "I want that drug off the street."

             Rogue leaned back against the wall behind the counter, "Have you thought of any other ways this person is getting in?"

             "I've tried everything, Chere, I've got dozens of blueprints of this place, and I can't find any other way they could be doing it.  The only other thing I can think of is that they might be mutant, and have some ability that lets them get in…" he shrugged.

             Rogue shook her head, "No way, if it was a mutant, the professor would have picked up them up on Cerebro when they used their powers."

             "That's what I thought," Remy admitted, "Besides that explanation, I don't know what else to say."

             Rogue glanced at her watch, "it's been five minutes," she sighed, she hopped down from the counter and she retrieved the pregnancy test indicator, and checked, "you have the box and the instructions, what does blue mean?" she felt her breath beginning to quicken, worrying that blue meant the worst.

             Remy read the packet, he drew a breath, "Blue means you're not pregnant," he said, a sigh of relief passing his lips.  "You're…not…pregnant," he said again, as if just to make sure she heard him.

             Rogue drew her breath also, "thank god that worry is over with."

             "Yeah, that's one worry out of the way," Remy ran his fingers through his hair.

             Rogue leaned over the sink, trying to slow her breathing, she felt tears escape, and eventually a sob.

             Remy stood up quickly, "what is it?" he asked quickly.

             Rogue shook her head, "I don't know…" she put her hand over her eyes, "I don't know…" she sobbed, so overwhelmed with relief that she wasn't having a child, and then the memories of what had happened, and the thoughts of how close she might have been to pregnant, it all seemed to hit her at once.  

             Remy placed his hand on her shoulder, and turned her towards him, "worst parts over…" he said to her softly.

             "I know…" Rogue tried to dry her tears quickly, she'd been sick of letting Remy see her crying, and she was sick of crying, it felt as if it was all she was doing.  "God I feel so stupid," she sniffled, "I've cried enough tears to fill a reservoir in this last year," she wiped the back of her hand against her cheek.  "You'd think I'd be all cried out by now…" she headed over to by the toilet finding a roll of toilet paper, she yanked off a strip, scrunched it up and dried her damp face.

             Remy stepped up behind her, wrapping one arm around her shoulders, and the other around her waist, he pulled her back to his chest, and kissed her shoulder, "I'm sorry I put you through this," he murmured.

             "No…I know you were right, I should have…I just…" she tried to explain, but the words wouldn't come out properly.

             "Sssh," he murmured, he rocked her a little in his arms, "now that we know…" he kissed her shoulder again, the thin mesh fabric of her top between their skin, "it never needs to be brought up again…"


	3. Chapter 3: The Email

Chapter 3: The Email

             Rogue and Remy went their separate ways for the rest of that day, Remy wanting to pour over some of the blue prints from the centre to figure out other ways of entering the building and stealing the chemicals, and Rogue kept herself entertained by reading the book she'd brought with her. 

Later, in the evening, Rogue went to the living room, a brand new computer had been set up in there and she was intent of trying it out – intent on emailing Kitty.

She was hoping Kitty would have some useful advice to give her, on how she could tell Remy about the Jared situation without hurting him.

             She logged herself on, waiting anxiously, tapping her fingers absently on the desk.  "Come on," she complained about slow loading time.  When finally, the computer had loaded up she logged onto her Hotmail account, the only email showing up there was not from Kitty, but from Jared.  How Jared had got her email address, she wasn't sure.  She sighed and opened it.

***********************************Email Start***************************************

Rogue,

You haven't told him yet, have you?  You know you want to be with me, why are you wasting time with that southern wanker, why not have some respect for yourself – and be mines.

- Jared.

***********************************Email End***************************************

             Rogue frowned, and immediately deleted the email, furious with Jared, and most of all herself.  She had to ask herself why she was letting Jared get to her this way?  She sighed, she didn't even feel like emailing Kitty anymore, despite she needed the advice desperately.

             She hated this feeling.  She liked Jared, she really did, she was even attracted to him, and the way he was acting lately was definitely not helping matters.  She wanted to continue liking him, but she knew it was going to be impossible – especially if he kept acting the way he did.

             I don't want to be with him, she thought at herself angrily.  I don't.

             And she thought she meant this, but when she thought of the dream from earlier that morning…it almost seemed as if she did want to be with Jared.  Why else in her dream would she have told Remy that Jared had more to offer than he did?

             "What you up to?"

             Rogue turned as Remy entered the room, quickly, she closed internet explorer.  "I was checking my email."

             "Kitty emailing you?"

             "Nope, nothing in the email at all," Rogue lied, she turned her chair around, "I thought you were pouring over blueprints for a way in?"

             "I've looked over them again and again," he admitted, "nothing is showing up, I need a break," he sighed.

             "Me too," Rogue chewed the inside of her cheek.

"There's nothing to do on this godforsaken island," Remy groaned, he sat down on the couch, resting his head back tiredly.

"Wanna go to the pub?" Rogue asked casually, she looked at him hopefully.  

             "You're not eighteen," Remy reminded, "You need to be eighteen to drink in there, Chere."

             "Big fat hairy deal," Rogue put her feet up on the desk, "hasn't stopped me before has it?" she shrugged.

             "It should, considering the last time you—" he stopped himself, he'd been about to bring up the rape again, he cursed at himself mentally, "I mean it should stop you because it's not very lady like."

"Who ever said I was a lady?" Rogue pointed out.

Remy pressed his tongue against his cheek, "Besides, that pub is just full of scoundrels, and criminals…and in places like that…there's usually a great deal of harassment for women."

             "Big deal," Rogue shrugged, "you're there to protect me, right?"

             Remy was about to try and convince her not to go, but in the end, he knew she'd get her way, "alright…" he sighed.  "We'll go, just for a little while…"

             "Rogue, Chere, don't you think you should take it easy now?" Remy asked, as he watched Rogue down her sixth shot glass of Aftershock, a red substance that tasted like aniseed, and had a very strong alcoholic kick.

             Rogue grinned drunkenly, her lips slightly stained red by the stuff, "you are paranoid, Remy, will you just relax?" she asked.  

             "Yeah, relax, we don't exactly fit in here," Remy muttered, staring down into his pint of lager.  He'd had only two pints of lager, and was already feeling sick of the beverage.  He was more concerned on how he'd get Rogue back home in a drunken condition, especially with Moira and Sean on the prowl now.  Rogue was un-chaperoned, but if she showed up drunk and staggering, Moira would probably insist she be sent back to Bayville, and Rogue would probably never be trusted again.

             "It never bothered you before…" Rogue stated, she watched him rolling up a cigarette.  Her head was pleasantly swimming, although the strange almost mouthwash-like taste of the Aftershock was leaving an almost burning sensation on her throat. 

             "Yeah, well, a lot changes, doesn't it?" he ran his tongue along the edge of the cigarette paper, concentrating on rolling the perfect cigarette.

             Rogue rested back against the bench of the booth they were sitting in, she tapped her foot to the sound of some Scottish jig being played live by a band on a makeshift stage.  The pub was crawling with locals from the small village.  Mostly fishermen or men who worked in the dock.  The place was teeming with smoke, and the smell of beer, and the light was dingy at best.  Rogue had never been fond of the place, although she'd come in before.

             Remy lit the cigarette, and took a long drag, then exhaled the smoke through his nostrils, he watched over the pub, keeping an eye on the particularly dangerous looking me, and hoped that his being a stranger to these parts wouldn't cause them any trouble.

             He had the strange sensation of being watched, but couldn't locate anyone in particular who seemed to be looking at him.  Everyone would glance to him and Rogue every so often, but no one seemed to be watching as intently as he could feel.

             Rogue leaned forward, her elbows propped on the table, "you seem edgy…"

             "I dunno, I feel like I'm being watched," He looked around suspiciously, flicking his cigarette at the ashtray.

             Rogue leaned a little closer, "yes, by me.  Stop being so paranoid…" she reached over and touched his hand.

             "Sorry, I'm not making this a fun night for you, am I?" he looked at her apologetically.

             "Not really," Rogue smirked, "But you have the rest of your life to make it up to me," she said playfully, she watched him take another look around the room.  Maybe now would be a good time to tell him about Jared.  He'd had a few drinks, but unfortunately not enough that she could tell him and he wouldn't remember the next day.   And she herself had already had too many drinks to want to blurt something as important as this out.  

             "I'm gonna go get another shot, you want one?" Rogue asked, standing up.

             "Chere, you've had enough," Remy grabbed a hold of her wrist to stop her, "please…no more."

             "Jesus, Remy, I have some kind of tolerance to alcohol," Rogue rolled her eyes, pulling away.

             Remy realised he couldn't stop her – here strength was far too much for him to hold back successfullyh – and so, he let her go.

             Rogue headed over to the bar, "two aftershocks," she ordered, "red," she added, referring to the flavour, knowing it came in varied flavours.  

             The bartender headed off to pour her drinks, she leaned against the bar casually, looking around absently.

             "How about a dance, lass?"

             Rogue turned to her left, an older man, maybe in his mid forties, was standing near her, he wore too much aftershave, and hadn't shaved recently, she made a face, "No thank you," she said.

             "Too good for me, is that it?" he frowned.

             "I'm here with my boyfriend," Rogue responded, she gestured towards Remy who was sitting alone at the booth, "he's the jealous type."

             "Is he now," said the Man, he staggered a little, drunk, "well, I don't think he has much say in this, are you going to dance with me or not?"

             "No, I don't want to dance, thank you for asking, but no," Rogue paid for her drinks and was about to head back to her table.

             "Fuckin' slut."

             Rogue heard it, muttered under the guys breath, something about it made her grasp the shot glasses in her hand so hard she heard them break in her hand, and red liquid spilled to the floor and onto her gloves.  "What did you just call me?!" she demanded, turning back, anger beginning to grow inside of her self, and with the alcohol in her, she felt far braver than she might have any other time.  

             "I said you're a fuckin' little slut, look at you, dressed in your little skin tight clothes, and your makeup spread on thick, you're no better than a fucking prostitute."

             Rogue gaped, she'd never been called anything as bad in her life, "shut your fucking mouth…" she hissed.

             "If I pay you maybe you'll dance, huh?!" he pushed her against the bar, pressing himself up against her, he had her gloved hands pinned to the edge of the bar, and even with her strength she felt almost unable to move.  And visions overtook her, visions of being on the floor in the private bathroom in a nightclub, with a half naked man on her, pressing weight against her, hurting her, penetrating, and taking her innocence.  She felt tears sting her eyes as she was pinned, feeling trapped.

             Rogue felt frozen in fear, mouth trembling, body shaking violently.

             As if almost out of nowhere, a silver pole swung out and hit the guy on the side of the head.  The guy wavered for a moment, swaying to one side, then another, and then dropped.  

             Remy stood holding his bo-staff, "she be my woman, you piece of shit," he muttered.

             Rogue didn't even wait for Remy to look at her, she dashed for the doors, throwing them open, she ran along the path and staggered sideways into the grass falling to her knees, breathless, panicked. 

             "Chere…" She felt Remy's hands pulling her up, "stand up straight…breathe deep…"

             But she couldn't, her breath was coming out in fast gasps, chest rising and falling quickly, her head swimming, her face tingling, her fingers suddenly beginning to grow numb.  And her breathing became harder, louder gasps.

             "Chere, stand straight," Remy hung onto her, she was hunched over, hyperventilating, and he had barely enough medical knowledge to know how to handle it.  "Chere, breathe deep!"

             The numbness ascended to up her hands, and arms, and her legs soon began to feel numb, and gave out from under her.

             "Chere!" Remy pleaded, "please, listen to me, breathe slow…take in deep breaths, please!" 

             Everything soon went black.


	4. Chapter 4: Nausea

Chapter 4: Nausea 

             When Rogue opened her eyes, she wasn't on the grass outside of the public house anymore, in fact, at first she didn't recognise where she was, and then she realised she was in Remy's room at the research centre, the lights were on, Remy stood by the window, his arm against the frame, he was hunched a little, his shoulders rising with his breathing.

             "Remy…" Rogue leaned up slowly, a pounding coming to her head, "What…"

             "You passed out outside the pub," Remy answered, he turned towards her, "had me scared."

             Rogue sat up slowly, putting her hand to her head, "I feel weird…"

             "I think you had a panic attack or something…" he walked over and sat on the edge of the bed where she'd been lying, "I had to sneak us in through the window so we wouldn't get caught having been to the bar – together," he explained.

             Rogue lay back, rubbing her forehead, "god it felt so weird…" she said, her memories of it all coming back, the dizziness, the numbness, the breathing she'd had no control over, "I've never felt like that before."

             "It was probably stress…you got scared…that guy freaked you out, it's no wonder you panicked," he admitted, he pulled the blinds at the window up, Rogue realised it was morning.

             "I slept all night?" she asked sitting up suddenly again, a nausea suddenly overwhelming her.

             "More or less…" Remy gave a shrug.

             "You didn't sleep, did you?"

             "I was worried about you," Remy shrugged, "Realised you probably passed out because of the booze more than the panic attack."

             "I think I'm gonna be sick…" Rogue shot to her feet, and tripped accidentally, falling on her face, she pulled herself up, hand covering her mouth, she rushed to the bathroom just in time as the vomit came up.  She leaned over the toilet, making hideous retching sounds, the alcohol from the night before coming up.

             Remy followed her in to the bathroom, he closed the door behind himself, "just a hangover, if you're going to drink the way you do, you'll get used to it," he leaned against the door, putting his hands in his pockets.

             Rogue fell to her knees, holding onto the toilet, the sickness passed after some moments, she rested her cheek against the cold porcelain of the toilet, "god I'm never drinking again."

             Remy looked at her, "I thought maybe me and you could go to Edinburgh today, go shopping, see a movie, take your mind off things," he admitted.

             "Remy, I'm not in a fit state to go any—a—" it came again, she leaned over the toilet, a second wave of nausea and vomit came. 

             Remy walked over, grabbing a handful of her tangled hair, holding it away from her face, "can't be much more of it in you," he stated.  "And within an hour or so you'll be fine, I promise."

             Rogue leaned over the metal railing at the back of the ferry, more vomit coming than she'd have ever expected.  Remy's words echoed in her mind.  You'll be fine, he'd said.  Ever since the ferry had left the dock she'd been hanging over the banister throwing up.  She wasn't sure if this was still the hangover, or just sea sickness, but since her head was throbbing intently, she was going to go with her first guess.

             Remy was resting with his back against the railing, smoking a cigarette, "still sick then?" he asked, stating the rather obvious.

             "You said I'd be fine."

             "How was I to know the hangover would last all day?" he asked with a shrug, "besides, once we get onto mainland, you'll feel lots better," he said, "you need this."

             "Yeah…right…" Rogue mumbled.  "Where does this ferry go?"

             "I told you, Edinburgh, capital city of Scotland.  This ferry more or less goes to a small dock near a mall, they have everything in there to keep us amused for a few hours, you'll feel better…maybe you should get some food in you, I haven't seen you eat at all these last few days."

             "I have eaten," Rogue remarked, she rubbed her head wearily, "god I feel like shit…"

             "My poor Chere," Remy smirked a little, "You've had it rough this year," he turned around to face the banister, he put his arm around her tenderly, pulling her close to him.  

             "Why did you want to go to Edinburgh today anyway?  Don't tell me just for shopping…" Rogue looked at him curiously.

             "You don't believe me?  Jesus, can't I just have a day with my girlfriend – the woman I love – in the City without there being some ulterior motive?" he asked of her, looking hurt.

             "There is though, right?"

             "Well…" Remy sighed, "yes, I'm going to take that ring for appraisal – see what info I can get out of it," he said.

             Rogue's head was throbbing so much she could barely concentrate, "that ring?" she queried, forgetting.

             "The ring the security guy found in the lab," he said, "this ring is definitely an antique piece of jewellery.  And I've seen it before, I just can't think of where," Remy sighed, "I wanna find out more about it."

             "How do you know it's an antique?" Rogue asked.

             "A thief knows…" Remy answered, "do you think when a professional Thief learns his trade that he just learns to steal?"

             "Well…Yeah…" Rogue shrugged.

             "When you learn thieving, you learn what to look for, how to tell antiques from fakes, and how to put a price on an object," he explained, "despite its crime, there's an art to it," he explained, "there's intelligence involved in it."

             Rogue nodded, understanding.  "So…you think the ring is antique?"

             "I don't think, Chere, I know," Remy reached into his pocket, he brought the ring out, "look at it…" he gestured to it.

             "Looks modern to me," Rogue shrugged.

             "They don't cut gems like this nowadays," Remy gestured to the ruby, "see how clear it is?" he asked, "I'd say this is an really rare fiery red African Rose Ruby…probably just over 2 carot, the stone itself is probably worth about ten thousand – and it's completely unflawed," he explained, "and at first I thought this was silver, but its white gold…" he stated, "and the band on this is thick, and despite it's scratched, its in excellent condition…inside the hallmark is really old, its hard to pinpoint that hallmark exactly.  Gems, I'm good with, precious metals, not so good," he shrugged.  

             "Everyone has a weakness," Rogue shrugged, "it's so small, must be a womans ring…"

             "Yeah, it is," Remy responded, "try it on."

             Rogue slipped off one of her gloves and slipped the ring on, it fit and just barely, it twinkled beautifully in the daylight, "god its gorgeous," she admitted.

             "Hmmm," Remy nodded, looking at her hand.

             Rogue slipped the ring off and handed it to him. 

             "Anyway, this antique jeweller in Edinburgh, they'll pinpoint the date, the worth, probably the origins too."         

             "So…you think you find out the rings origins, you find our thief?"

             "Not really, but it'll give us some insight.  Besides it's bugging me…I know I've seen it somewhere before…I just can't think of where…"

             Another wave of nausea came over Rogue, she leaned over the railing again, hanging almost over completely, throwing up.  Her head swimming, dizziness coming over her.

             "Jesus, you can't have much more left in you," Remy put his hand on her back and rubbed a little, "you alright?"

             "Ugh, what do you think?" Rogue spat to try and get rid of the taste in her mouth. 

             "We'll be on mainland soon, Chere," Remy soothed.

             "You asshole," Rogue muttered, "I told you I wasn't in any fit state to go out today," she slid down and sat on the deck, her back against the railing, hair stirring in the wind, "I think I'm dying…" she rubbed her head.

             "Stop being so dramatic…" he teased.

             "Jesus, Remy, I feel like Charlie Benante is pounding drums in my skull, and my throat feels raw, and my mouth tastes like shit…and you think I'm being dramatic?" she wiped her sweating face, leaning back taking in deep breaths.  "I should have never listened to you when you said I'd be fine."

             "It's a hangover, nothing more, sickness is probably just being irritated by being on the water," he explained.  "You'll feel much better on land."

             "Easy for you to say."

             "You're being so dramatic," Remy smirked, "We'll find you something to settle the hangover while we're in Edinburgh and you'll be fine."

             Rogue pulled herself up, "aren't you tired?" she asked, she took a good look at Remy, his eyes were slightly dark underneath.

             "Yes," Remy shrugged, "but I'll deal with it."

             "You didn't sleep all night, you'll make yourself ill," Rogue touched his arm.

             Remy smiled, "I'll sleep tonight, I'll have an early night," he smiled looking out as they began to approach the Edinburgh docks, "there it is, Edinburgh," he smiled.

             Rogue looked up at Remy, things were peaceful.  It might be a good time to tell him about what Jared had said.  The longer she held it off, the more difficult it was going to be to tell him.

             But she couldn't, she wanted to and yet, she couldn't say it, and she wasn't sure what was holding her back.

             "What's on your mind?" Remy looked at her from the corner of his eyes, he could see the guilt on her face again, he was so curious, what was it she was hiding from him?

             "Nothing," Rogue lied, "nothing at all," she leaned into him, pressing her face to his chest, wrapping her arms around him, at least if he couldn't see her face, he couldn't pin her guilty expression.  "God I love you so much," she murmured.

             Remy was surprised by the sudden announcement of her love, it seemed almost as if she was trying to distract him from asking questions.  He decided to let it drop for now, when she was ready, she'd tell him.  He couldn't exactly preach to her about secrets when he'd had so many of his own in the past.

             But it unnerved him so much, the not knowing beginning to eat away at him.  He wrapped his arms around her tenderly, running his fingers down her spine, the black suede of her three quarter length jacket soft to the touch, "I love you too."

             Rogue pushed him away just in time as the nausea came again.


	5. Chapter 5: If That's What it Takes

Chapter 5: If That's What it Takes

            Rogue was sitting on the sidewalk outside of the antique jewellers in Edinburgh, she'd thrown up into the sewer grating nearby, her nausea wouldn't allow her to go into the store, the place smelt old and dingy, and the lighting was bad.  Rogue sighed.  She wasn't sure what was worse, the guilt of keeping secrets from Remy – who she'd already told she had no secrets from – or the nausea which was making her so ill she could barely stand it.  She promised herself silently she'd never drink again.  

            Remy had been gone half an hour, and she was beginning to grow concerned, "what could Remy possibly be doing in there?" she asked of herself, she looked back and forth over the street, it was quiet, a very bitter but sunny Sunday, a lot of stores were still open although most had closed early.

            The day had been full of worry for Rogue.  They'd saw a movie, although Rogue had been unable to pay attention, and had to excuse herself four times to rush to the bathroom to be sick, the hangover still completely dominating her for the day.  They'd looked around stores in a mall, but hadn't bought anything, and then finally, they'd left to go to the antique jewellers, where Rogue was sitting outside of.

In the half hour that Remy had been inside having the ring looked at, she'd done more thinking about Jared than anything else.  Worrying about how she was going to tell Remy about this without setting off any worries.

            If Remy's life hadn't been so complicated recently, Rogue felt she might have told him sooner.  The death of his child, Bella Donna running out on him, then her own rape.  Sometimes she wondered if her rape had been more of an impact on Remy's life than it had been in hers.  

            "Hey," she heard Remy's voice as he came out of the store at her back, "ready to go?"

            Rogue stood up, "what'd you learn?"

            Remy sighed, "barely enough to go by," he chewed his lip, "it's a rare French antique ring, worth a considerable amount of money."

            Rogue looked at him, "so what does that tell you?" she began to walk with him slowly down the street.

            Remy adjusted the sunglasses he was wearing to hide his mutant eyes from civilians walking by, "I'm not sure yet," he sighed, "it didn't really put any clarity on the situation…the guy in the store dated it, told me who made it, and yet…doesn't really ring any bells…"

            Rogue tucked her slightly sweat tinged hair behind her ear, "are you sure you've seen it before?"

            "Yes, I know I have," Remy said, "I can see it in my head clearly, I just can't remember where…" he gave a frustrated expression, "Why can't I remember?!" he asked angrily.

            Rogue touched his arm, "You will, when you're not thinking so hard about it."

Remy nodded, "yeah, you're probably right, its like the logic of when you lose something, don't look for it and that's when you'll find it."

Rogue smirked a little, yeah," she said, then drew a breath, trying to breathe out her nausea again, feeling it coming over her.

"Feeling any better?"

            "Not really," Rogue sighed, "I just want to go home, have a shower, brush my teeth three hundred times and go to bed."

            "Poor girl, I feel bad, I shouldn't have brought you out today," Remy put his arm around her tenderly and walked with her.

            Rogue smiled a little, "Well, I guess even though I feel terrible, it's good to be off of that island – and spending the day with you," she admitted.

            Remy and Rogue walked for some moments, silent, "Chere?"

            "Yes?"

            "Did you really mean it when you said you felt our relationship wasn't that serious?" he asked, he was looking down at his feet rather than at her, as if he were avoiding her gaze altogether.

            Rogue looked down, "Sorry…yeah, I did…but, I'm just a bit blue or something, it was a horrible thing to say…of course we're serious, even if it doesn't feel that way."

            Remy looked at her, "It kinda hurts that you think that though, you know," He admitted softly, she could hear the emotion building up in his voice, his accent seemed to become much thicker whenever he talked about things that affected him emotionally.  It was almost endearing.

            "Remy, believe me the last think on earth I want to do is hurt you," Rogue stopped him.

            Remy kicked an old soda can that had been rolling across the pavement in the wind, "I know," he watched the can sail off as he kicked it, "Am I not being romantic enough or something?  Because if I'm not I can try harder…"

            "No, its not you, its me.  I'm limited, and you know that…" Rogue reminded.  Again, for what seemed like the millionth time since she'd been reunited with him, she realised she should have told him that Jared had told her he loved her.  But she knew if she did, it would pose the question of how she felt about Jared.  She was pretty sure she didn't love Jared, but…she wasn't sure how she'd respond if Remy asked her if she did.  The dream seemed to indicate she felt more than she'd realised.  

            "Yes, I knew that when I told you how I felt," He reminded, bringing her out of her guilty thoughts of Jared, "and it doesn't bother me…"

            "Bothers me though," Rogue shrugged, she began walking again.

            "What would it take to make it a serious relationship, Marie?" Remy looked at her.

Rogue sighed, she'd had this conversation with him the previous morning, she wondered why he was asking this again, he knew what it would take.

With bated breath, Remy closed his eyes for a moment, trying to focus on saying the things he wanted to say without sounding too upset, "whatever it is, I'll do it if…that's what it takes…" he looked away. 

            Rogue stopped in her tracks, "are you serious?"

            She realised exactly what he meant.  He meant that even if he had to keep her interested in favours, sexually or otherwise, he'd do it.  It seemed so hard to believe he loved her so much he'd do anything, but there he was, admitting it.

            Remy chewed the inside of his cheek, his eyes not meeting hers, "yes."

            Rogue felt somehow touched, she could see it wasn't what he wanted, the look of almost shame on his face.  At that moment, she envisioned a dog seeking attention from its master by performing tricks, going out of its way to be good just for appraisal.  A sinking in her stomach left her feeling that Remy was that dog.  And if she took him up on that, it would be no better than master and pet.  She felt suddenly shamed as he looked.

Rogue walked over and wrapped her arms around him, "If you're not ready, we don't have to," she rested her cheek on his chest.

            "I don't want to lose you," Remy sighed, "I can't help but feel that I'm going to soon."

            Rogue tilted her head, looking up at him, "Why do you get that feelin'?"

            "I don't know," Remy shrugged, "Just been feeling something ain't quite right, its like…you're not completely into me as you were, it doesn't feel the same between us," he shrugged.

            Rogue looked at him, "Sure I'm still completely into you – more than I've ever been."

            Remy shook his head, "I see it in your face, something isn't right," he moved away from her, he put his hand on a nearby lamp post as if to steady himself, he looked away, "I see it, there's something going on in your head…"

            Rogue felt as if he'd trapped her, and she'd be forced to tell him her secrets at any moment, and yet, she held that secret close to her chest, "nothing is going on in my head."

            Her thoughts screamed at her.  Tell him!  Tell him!  And she didn't, she kept trying to suppress her thoughts, and pretend like everything was fine, even though she knew inside that it wasn't, and wouldn't be until the truth was out.

            Remy drew his breath, "you used to look at me, this look that was totally readable, like I could just see it there, on your face, in your eyes, that you loved me," he turned and looked at her, "now…I'm reading something else…and it isn't love," he sighed.

            Rogue placed her gloved hands on his face, "Remy, mon chere," she smiled, "trust me, I'm not goin' anywhere, you're never losin' me," She stroked his cheeks with her thumbs, "ever."

            He smiled finally, and they began to walk again.

            "So…seventeen tomorrow," Remy stated, looking at her.

            "Yeah…I know," Rogue put her hands in the pockets of her black suede jacket, "a year gone already, where did that time go?"

            "We spent most of it fighting," Remy rested his arm around her shoulders, "finally the fights have more or less, stopped," he reminded.

            "What are you talking about?" Rogue raised an eyebrow, "we fought yesterday."

            "Not a big fight though," Remy pointed out,  "I'm hopin' finally this time we've settled down for permanent, and not gonna break up again," he looked at her.

            "We just established that," she nudged him.  "Still, I can't believe its been a year already, seems like only yesterday you took me out for my sixteenth birthday."

            Remy sighed, "its been a tough year for you," he admitted.

            "For both of us," she leaned into him.

            "So…what do you want for your birthday?" Remy asked.

            "I don't need anything," Rogue admitted, she walked beside him.

            "Do you want to go home for your birthday?" he asked, "Because if you do…you can, you don't have to stay in Scotland just because I'm here."

            Rogue looked at him, "Remy…home is just a place to warm your bones…" she shrugged, "it's just walls and a roof," she shrugged, "Nothing more."

            Remy looked at her, "don't you want to be with your friends?"

            "I'm with you," Rogue said, "And even if I can't be with my friends on my birthday, I can be with them when I get back…" 

            "Last year you were so bummed you couldn't spend your birthday with your friends."

            "Well…this years different, I have you now, I didn't have you last year," Rogue pointed out.

            "You have ALWAYS had me," Remy smirked, "even when you didn't realise it."

            Rogue glanced at her watch, "we have to catch the ferry."

            "Yeah, lets go."


	6. Chapter 6: A Mounting Threat

Chapter 6: A Mounting Threat

             Rogue felt a sigh escape her lips as she stood under the hot water of the shower in the guest bathroom in dorm area of the research centre.  She'd felt terrible all day, the hangover only beginning to lift finally at 9pm. 

             She wished she could wash her troubles away like she could the smell of vomit and the makeup on her face – but even that was too much to wish for.  She was mentally kicking herself, she knew she should have told Remy the truth, no matter how hard it had seemed, she shouldn't have kept it from him.

             He'd given her several opportunities to tell him, he'd made it seemingly obvious he knew something was going on, yet she could see – thankfully – that he was still quite clueless as to the truth.

             She had to ask herself what the truth was, was Jared right?  Was she really avoiding telling Remy because she did feel something towards Jared?  Rogue sighed, she was sick of thinking about it again and again, all she wanted was a restful nights sleep where the worries of what might happen if she did tell Remy, did no longer plague her.

             The sound of the door opening startled, her and she gasped, sticking dripping wet head out from between the thick white shower curtains, Remy had entered the room.

             "What?" Rogue asked.

             "You didn't lock the door," Remy remarked.

             "Sorry," Rogue stuck her head back into the curtains, she hoped to god even the silhouette of her nude body wasn't showing through the curtains at that moment, "I'm not used to there being locks, remember, Professor Xavier took all the locks off of everywhere back home," She reminded.

             "I know."

             "Why are you in here anyway?" Rogue asked, she rinsed her hair quickly.

             "I was worried, wanted to check up on you."

             "Have you even slept yet?" Rogue asked.

             "Not yet," Remy ensured.  "I'm going to get to it eventually…"

             "Hand me the towel there…" Rogue slipped her hand out of the curtain, a moment later the towel was in it.  She yanked the towel in and pulled it around herself quickly, stepping out of the shower. 

             "So…are you alright?" Remy asked worriedly, he took a moment to look her over, wearing the towel in the way she was gave him a jolt he hadn't expected, it started just a fraction under her cleavage, and stopped just at the top of her milky thighs. Her hair dripping wet around her shoulders, a droplet of water disappearing between her breasts.  He drew his breath, unprepared for the stirring within himself and the rush of blood to his groin.

             Rogue shrugged, "a bit," she admitted.

             Remy watched as she turned her back, she picked up a smaller towel and began to towel dry her hair.  He was tempted to take a hold of the towel she was wearing and yank it off with one quick sweep.  But he held back on that.  He didn't need to be reminded of what he couldn't have right now.

             Rogue finished drying her hair with the towel, and tossed the towel into a hamper, "you alright?" she asked of him, noticing his face was a strange shade of pink, differing from his normal healthy deep south tan.

             "I'm fine," he breathed, "I think I need a shower though," he responded, he closed his eyes trying to force the image of her out of his head, "a cold one," he muttered, more to himself than to Rogue.

             Rogue felt shocked, delighted, flattered, and disgusted all at once, and she wasn't sure how to respond at first, she just smirked, "poor Remy, stuck in a bathroom with a wet naked girl he can't even touch …"

             Remy reached for the handle, he wanted to leave, he felt intimidated, he knew he shouldn't have, but it came over him so suddenly that he fumbled to get the door open.  He didn't want to be stuck in a bathroom with a wet naked girl he couldn't touch, it would be too much taunting for him, and especially when he'd just begun to realise then how sexually frustrated he really was despite how much he tried to convince Rogue otherwise.

             Rogue pushed the door shut flicking the lock as well, looking at him with a smirk, "you look positively petrified."

             "You know what happens when I touch you," He responded, "look how much skin you got exposed."

             Rogue was joking when she spoke again, "I could expose more…put you in reaaaaaal danger."

             "No…don't," he wasn't sure where to put his hands, she was so close, his arms bare, her arms bare, and one false move could make things particularly unpleasant.

             Rogue smirked, "I was just playing," she unlocked the door, "move, you're blocking the way," she giggled.

             Remy felt a rush of relief flow through him, it did not however, ease the stirring of his loins.

             Rogue headed into the room she was staying in, grabbing her dark green terrycloth robe and pulling it on quickly, and as force of habit made her, her gloves – the first thing she always did after getting out of the shower would put those gloves on.   She turned to see Remy entering the room, he still seemed flushed, even more so.

             "I wanted to talk with you," Remy said, "it's kind of important."

             Rogue sat down on the bed, "about?"

             Remy walked over and sat opposing her, "I've been thinking a lot…about what you were saying, about us not being very serious and all," he explained.

             Rogue looked at him, she noticed his gaze fall below her throat to the exposed skin left slightly uncovered by the robe.  

             "I was thinking you're maybe right…we're not…really serious," he tried to concentrate, but the Robe had slipped open a fair amount and he could see a small part of her left breast, he tried to not think of what was further under that robe, as his uncomfortableness was growing quickly.  

             Rogue smiled a little, "I'm not right, I was totally out of order," she assured.

             "No…I know you're right, for sure," he admitted, his eyes fell to the half exposed breast, he wondered if she realised that she was showing so much skin, he wondered if it was deliberate after her little act in the bathroom.  

             Rogue raised an eyebrow, "are you going to spend the entire night talking to my boobs?"

             Remy felt so stupid, and laughed a little nervously, "no…sorry," he tried to focus on her face, "agh, this isn't how I wanted it to be…" he sighed.

             Rogue looked at him, "how you wanted what to be?" she queried softly.

             Remy reached into his pocket, retrieving a box, "I…don't want you to get too excited over this…" he began, handing her the box.

             Rogue was confused, she turned it over in her hand, simple black velvet, with a dome shaped lid.  

             "Open it," Remy gestured.

             Rogue flicked the box open carefully, peering at the contents.  It was a ring, either silver, or white gold, she wasn't particularly sure.  A deep green tear shaped emerald was set in between two fine blue sparkling gems, the gems caught the light as she moved the box.  "Remy…" she gasped.

             "I got it from the Antique jewellers.  That's a real emerald, set between two rare blue diamonds…"

             Rogue was still speechless.

             "It's…not an engagement ring, not really," he said, looking away, "I didn't think it was far to ask you such a question as 'marry me' while I'm not even divorced from Genny yet," he said, "but…it's so much more than a simple friendship ring," he admitted.

             Rogue looked at him, "then…what…is…it?" she was suddenly finding it very hard to breathe.

             "I guess you could call it…a promise ring," Remy pressed his tongue into the inside of his cheek, "a commitment."

             Rogue looked at him, "Promise?  Promise to…"

             "That you're promised to me, and I to you…and someday…we can be…married," he felt his cheeks flush scarlet from the embarrassment, he'd never had to propose before, and although he wasn't technically proposing, it still felt as though he was, and he felt he was doing a very bad job at it.

             She drew her breath, "I don't know what to say."

             "You don't need to say anything, not really," Remy admitted, "Just wear it…and let it be a symbol of our commitment," he looked at her, "let it be a reminder of how…serious I am.  Or how serious WE are."

             Rogue looked down at the ring, she was speechless really, and guilty.  She didn't deserve this, it was so beautiful, and it must have cost more than even Remy could have afforded.  And she wasn't being honest with Remy, one definite thing that made her so undeserving of this ring. 

             She wasn't deserving of a commitment either, how could she be.  If she was serious about Remy, she wouldn't be keeping secrets from him, she wouldn't have been considering what Jared had said.  She closed the box with a loud snap, "I can't," she finally sighed.

             "I…don't understand."

             Rogue looked at him, "I don't deserve it," she handed him the box back, she got up and walked away from him, hugging herself.

             Remy looked at her, "You don't love me, do you?" he asked, "If you did…you wouldn't hesitate in taking it."

             "It's not that," Rogue sighed, "Remy, I love you more than life itself…but I don't deserve the ring…and I'm not ready for a commitment."

             Remy stood up slowly, "I…really don't understand, you wanted…you said…" his words come out in stammers, upset evident in his voice, his accent thicking.  "Y'said y'want'd t'be serious, Chere…I t'ought you'd b' pleased…"

             Rogue kept turned away from him, she was beginning to grow more and more aware by the passing minutes how much she was truly starting to hate herself.   How could she have let it get this far?  She swallowed, "Nothing has changed between us," she softly stated, "I…just…can't take the ring."

             "I…I…" he seemed to look for the words, "fine…" he sighed.  He lowered his eyes to the floor, "does this mean we're over?"

             "No," Rogue sighed, "it just means…I don't know, that I'm not ready for a commitment."

             Remy headed for the door, he glanced over his shoulder at her sullenly and before he left he muttered, "Chere, seems like you don't know what you want."

             And then he was gone.

             Rogue stood alone in the room, guilt ridden and apprehensive.  Her most recent greatest fear becoming evidently more of a mounting threat.  Jared was going to ruin her relationship with Remy, without even trying.

- The End (or is it…?)


End file.
